Who defines what is acceptable in love? I was just reading a couple of blogs on myspace between my ex and I and I have to say that we were really in love. I truly believe that love knows no boundaries. I know it to be so because love and logic... they are like oil and water... they just do not mix. We did not have... maybe I should say don't have (our relationship is a never ending story) your ordinary, typical, relationship. There were a lot of things that were present in our lives that a lot of people... if put in that situation would just let go. But I couldn't let go. How do you let go of your dream? This man was my dream since the day I met him... I just didn't know it until months later. As for him... he didn't know it until a year or so later.
Love will make you do some crazy things... When you are truly in love, there is no limit to the things that you will do just to keep the one you love. I haven't done anything out of the ordinary as far as my actions... but mentally I have gone ballistic trying to concieve ways to keep this wheel turning... and that has been my focal point for 5 years. We have survived it all... I believe that our relationship made us stronger individually because we have dodged so many bullets.
Have you ever had friends who you thought were just the most supportive people in the world? ... Only to find out that they are only supportive of the things that they can comprehend. Once a situation arises that is beyond their level of understanding, you no longer have their support? I found that out during our relationship. His friends could not understand why we where dating... and my family and friends could not understand it either. All of our friends were friends with one another... so some of them tag teamed what seemed in my eyes to be just me only to discover that it was both of us. That really took a toll on our relationship... but we stuck it out for as long as we could. We ended up breaking up after eight months. But our relationship has never ended...
Eventhough we broke up... the fire has never gone out. Our love is a bittersweet symphony. I don't know why but no matter who comes... and who goes... at the end of it all we always comeback to each other. I have sometimes wondered if I truly, truly, let go... will we still end up together. But everytime I try my heart leads me back to him. He has open my eyes to so much... we've grown so much together. But I wonder if we will ever grow out of each other?
My biggest fear is that he won't be my husband. I feel that he is my soulmate... No one else fits! No one else complements me so well... But I wonder how he feels. I know some things... but I'm nosey, so I guess I don't know enough. Not enough for comfort or reassurance. I guess because I'm competing against something that may defeat me. I believe it's conquerable... but it's not my battle. Most say that I should just give it up... some say hang in there. I feel that I have invested too much physically, mentally, and spiritually. I've been giving this thing my all. Sometimes I feel that there is no fight left... but everytime he hugs me... nuzzles my cheek... plays a song for me, kisses me, bites his lip, pours into me, all the things that we share as lovers and best friends... it makes me want to fight more. The prize will be rewarding at the end.
What should I do? I'm want answers from those who don't know me...
Love & Peace... Avi'Qon
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