She is Beautifully Human said:
Interesting indeed. The relationship I speak about in my blog is a past tense, but this post reflects much of what was happening and in some part how we got to the end. But, here's an a twist-I never had a title. It just "was". Nothing was ever established which I think was part of the problem. But love flowed. The obvious downside of no title, is well, no title, which is the complete absence of anything. So, all in all, I didn't really know how to act. Sometimes I was really removed and wanted to do my own thing, other times I was the "homey-lover-friend", then I felt like the wife-always supported his dreams, etc., etc. Always introduced as "my friend" but expected to do the my girlfriend/my lady/my woman thing. In the end of course, I was in the wrong(so says him). I say, and my mother agrees (and mama reigns supreme ;o)), he should have made an honest woman out of me. Call me old fashioned but I still think men should be responsible for taking things to the next level. What does a woman, who has all her stuff together, look like saying "you wanna be my man"? Nah uh! So, to your point, and I'll stop going on and on, titled or untitled, what are the rules? Are we not being as upfront on this topic of conversation with our significants as we should be? What's with the rampant bitchassness of some men? Why are they not stepping up?
Here it goes She is Beautifully Human:
I know exactly what your feeling hunnie! I know what it's like to "just be" and never establish anything. Your expected to be the homie... the lover... the girlfriend... the wife... all at one time. Just because he can't commit. But there are some women who do this forever until their significant decides they're ready to take it up a notch. But when is enough... enough? I think we are the same woman in 2 different places forreal! That's the same situation with my "swain" (as he is acknowledge on here)... but I think I've gotten to the point where enough is enough. Now... I'm not gonna lie... I'm waiting to see what happens, but it would be unfair to myself to sit idle and not live life and explore my options while waiting! I may miss what is truly meant for me... cause eventhough I may feel like he is it... he may very well not be. It took me a long time to get to that place. I'm almost completely ok with it... :/ But just like you said... the love still flows and that's what makes it hard to let go. You can't deny when love is there... the feeling is overwhelming... but so is being something different everyday based upon how they feel about you that day.
Your right She is Beautifully Human, what do women who have it all together (such as ourselves) look like saying "you wanna be my man?" I think a lot of women share the same anxiety when it comes to the topic of asking the man out... VULNERABILITY! We hate the thought of "coming on too strong... rejection (*points at myself*)... or even what will happen after he says yes. I'm not sure how I feel about that... I've always been an ol' fashioned girl as well, you never ask the man out. But I think that might be where we become a little oxymoroninc or I have been watching too much lifetime. We are women of the 21rst century, right? So we are "go getta's" we get what we want at any cost... so why should love be any different. Just something to think about.
In love there are no rules... love and logic don't mix! We are the one's who make the rules. How can you govern true love with rules? It sounds fairytail...ish but that's just how I feel. People are always saying how love knows no boundaries... rules are boundaries! Think about the things we accept when we are in love... think about the things that don't matter... if we left it up to logic... we would never have love. I think the rules come in when our ego's come into play. Our pride can cause a lot of confusion in love. I would even go so far to say that the 2 in love don't think about the rules until our friends remind us of them. "Nah uh, girl you gonna let him do that?"... "Let him call you!"... "Man you whipped!".... "She got you like that?"... "I wouldn't put up with that." <---------- Shit like this! (ooops... I got mad). Now, I'm not a precious little lamb... but I do try my best not to endulge in this because it has been done to me time and time again. Now, when it comes to stupid stuff... I kind of yield to my inhibitions and say what's on my mind... I have a high tolerance for a lot... but stupid stuff I just don't have time for. No (like you said) "bitchassness!" As far as if we aren't being as upfront as we should be about this topic with our significant... I can't really say. It's depending on the person. I know for me it takes me a minute... like I said I can tolerate a lot and sometimes (i'm not gonna lie) if we are in that blissful state and he is "coloring" right... it's the farthest thing from my mind... cause in my mind we are something we're not and I get side tracked. Sorry... it's the power of the penis. But it really takes a lot because I feel like I will mess up the little bit of happiness we do have and I will loose him. But that's only with "swain"... oh and with "tall dark and stupid", but I finally gave him the axe ... but others, I can tell them to kick rocks fast. I say that to say that there are many factors that contribute to our censoring of our feelings about our "relationships" with our others. Now this rampant "bitchassness" you speak off... eventhough I fall victim sometimes... MEN ONLY DO WHAT WE ALLOW THEM TO! SideNote: I will never say anything or try to give any advice without checking myself first... So that is why you read frequent disclosure throughout my blogs. I just wouldn't be real if I didn't get myself together too! I think that's why the first couple of months are always so good. We study each other for many reasons and seeing what we can get away with is one of them. Once we master this... the cockiness arises. So, some men get to the point when they know we aren't going anywhere and they abuse that loyalty... and we don't do anything to shake things up to let them know that that is not completely true... until we finally leave.
So that's why they aren't stepping it up, for one. Another reason is when we are really into a man or we have invested a lot into our "relationships" we become complacent with whatever he decides because we've put too much into this to just let it go. With that, they feel as if you ain't complaining then they are straight. We don't stick to our standards in order to get what we want. We give in so easily that we don't give them anything to work towards having. I think our views on what we are supposed to do as a significant attribute a lot to men not stepping it up. They're already getting all the advantages of a girlfriend and/or wife. You may live together, cook, clean, and his #1 fan at everything he does. When he needs to come home to comforting arms... there you are. For some of us we are the pages of his diary... we are the one he shares his dreams, his fears, and his loves... we are also the one he lashes out at (some of us). More than likely you have an active "coloring book" (sex life)... so what else is there? In some instances you already have a family.... So why get married or take it to the next level (whatever that may be) when you already have everything?
So, my question is what do we do? What do we do to make him work at or aspire to take it to the next level? Do we close the "coloring book"? Do limit what we do and how we are there for them? What do we do to get what we want?
You challenged me on this one She is Beautifully Human, thanks girl! You made me think!
Hit me up and let me know what you think!
Love & Peace... Avi'Qon
3 comments:
My answer to this blog is not simple by any means. We determine if this significant other is capable of being in a serious relationship with you. If the significant other is capable of being in a serious relationship, you can eliminate coloring from the picture to truly see his character without it. We determine the guidelines or standards that will be necessary to make this work. WE STICK TO OUR STANDARDS. Then, it goes back to playing your true title from the significant other until notified otherwise. I hope this helps.
hmmm... somebody has been paying attention! KUDOS!
Thanks. I am learning the trick to this complicated situation. KUDOS back to you.
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