As women... why do we settle when it comes to our men? Why do we always have to be the exception of the rule when it comes to them?
This is a question I have found myself asking as I counsel and lend an ear to some of my besties this week... better yet this past month... well really since summer started. I've heard people say that men tend to start acting up when it gets hot... but I think they act how they want to act, when they want to act that way. Now, I'm not putting all men in a box... because not all men act that way (I'm hoping).
I feel like we (women) go through a lot to keep our men happy (some women... the other half are just as bad as niggas... they could careless). I know that I do... I try my best to keep my man happy... that's important to me as his girlfriend. I have a habit of doing everything I can to take care of him, be his #1 fan, make sure I did all I can to help him reach his full potential... you know... be "down" for him. But that's where some of us take it too far... we are girlfriends... NOT WIVES!
I am the number one culprit of this! So, I am preaching to the choir director. But I've experienced a lot in the past year and 1/2... and I feel like if we play the role of what we are "the girlfriend" and set limits... then we give our "boyfriends" something to look forward to... something to work towards. I think that the relationship can have something to build on that will lead up to a possible marriage.
Now, if your anything like me... you are not trying to warm the jackpot just for the next chick to win the prize! Some of us put a lot of effort into our relationships only to set the next girl up... it's not fair... but sometimes it's like that. But personally I have put 5 years into my emotional rollercoaster with my swain and I'm not doing that so someone else can reap the benefits... it's been blood, sweat, and tears... and they weren't shed only for me to end up with him... but that it will make him a better man... as a person and relationship wise. Now in this emotional rollercoaster... I have played the wife... and I still don't know how I feel about that. But I have been doing this so long that it comes so naturally... hmm... (ok... i went to a place. *sigh*... i'm back now).
I think the main reason we do the things we do because we seek assurance. We have to know... verbally, physically, and mentally... who and what we are to our man. But I wish for one day I could be a man. I want to see how they deal with their position in regards to us, cause they seem to handle everything so well... unless it just really gets under their skin. (ok... i'm about to get a little vulgar)... I want to be able to truly fuck with out reservation or feelings. To get up and walk away from the situation like I just had an intense work out and now I'm about to go home and take a shower and watch the game. Just to see how it feels to be emotionally unattached!
... to be able to ignore him when I feel like it. To be able to get all of his attention when I want it and when I'm done I can go off about my business and not think twice about it. TO BE ABLE TO HAVE MY CAKE AND EAT IT TO.. WITHOUT A CONSCIENCE! That's how they do us! ... and if I'm being to harsh or over exaggerating let me know, please!
So, I think we should act according to our titles... or lack there of! If your talking... just talk (remember... your just talking... keep back up! he could change his mind at any minute)! If your the cuttie buddie... then just "ride the dick" (lol... fan, ent!). If your the beau (boo)... then just be the beau (which means your not obligated to anything... there is no commitment)! If your the girlfriend... be the girlfriend (you don't have to do what a wife does... and everytime you feel like you should... check the 4th finger left hand)!
I don't know about you.. but I'm tired of working overtime and not getting paid for it. I might bite my words later... but I'm sticking to my job description (my title) until otherwise notified. All this "you know what you are"... "I know it's more... he just hasn't said it"... I'm tired of these subliminal titles! Lol...
Love & Peace... Avi'Qon
2 comments:
Avie, I totally agree! I think women do put out too much in a relationship. If we stick to our titles, we won't get hurt as much!
Interesting indeed. The relationship I speak about in my blog is a past tense, but this post reflects much of what was happening and in some part how we got to the end. But, here's an a twist-I never had a title. It just "was". Nothing was ever established which I think was part of the problem. But love flowed. The obvious downside of no title, is well, no title, which is the complete absence of anything. So, all in all, I didn't really know how to act. Sometimes I was really removed and wanted to do my own thing, other times I was the "homey-lover-friend", then I felt like the wife-always suppported his dreams, etc., etc. Always introduced as "my friend" but expected to do the my girlfriend/my lady/my woman thing. In the end of course, I was in the wrong(so says him). I say, and my mother agrees (and mama reigns supreme ;o)), he should have made an honest woman out of me. Call me old fashioned but I still think men should be responsible for taking things to the next level. What does a woman, who has all her stuff together, look like saying "you wanna be my man"? Nah uh! So, to your point, and I'll stop going on and on, titled or untitled, what are the rules? Are we not being as upfront on this topic of conversation with our significants as we should be? What's with the rampant bitchassness of some men? Why are they not stepping up?
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