avie'sBoy... 3/2/2010

how i love you...
though i didn't birth you...
i care for you as if you came out of my womb.
when your here it fills me with joy...
whether your throwing up, running around,
or playing in the tub with your toys.
you and daddy complete me.
every day you teach me how to love you.
every expression you make lets me know if i'm doing it right.
especially when you reach for me and hold me tight.
with every bottle i make...
and every diaper i change...
i do it all with so much love.
i pray i'm around to watch you grow.
i can't wait to see you jammin' at daddy's first show.
to see you learn to play the drums...
score a touchdown and your first free throw.
to see you go from braids to a fade...
and go with your uncle to skate...
to see you dig into your first cake.
even though i may not always be able to be there...
just know you'll always be avie's boy.

© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009

~Thanks for reading...and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.
Love & Peace... Avi'Qon

different you...

been through enough of them...
can't say a lot of them...
but none of them like you.
we are like music...
different background...
different situations...
but our hearts speak the same language.
our love like music is universal...
cause there's no part of my heart you haven't touched.
i've never had a love so mutually...
supportive, understanding, and true.
no more than the other although we try...
our love, like children grow up together...
and bloom in our eyes.
your so different...
but so true.
no one has ever loved me the way that you do.
i love my different you.


© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009

~Thanks for reading...and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.
Love & Peace... Avi'Qon

360° and the some...

Gosh... I feel like I am in the same place I was in this time last year. So I'm praying that in August I will get a job just like I did a year ago. Man... If I knew this shit was gonna happen to me I would have never left my job that I had. But right is right and wrong is wrong. Now I'm just trying learn how to cope.

Not only am I learning how to cope with the loss of my financial independence. I'm trying to learn how to deal with the loss of my unborn child. Yes... some people say, "It was just a miscarriage, you'll have another one. It's not like the baby was born." But until you've gone through that, you'll never know the pain I experienced.

So what's next... I don't know. Go back to school maybe? I know one thing I need a job asap! I mean my boyfriend takes care of it all, but I'm used to working. This at home thing isn't working for me. I don't see how some people do it.

I can't say that my faith isn't wavering... but like a tree I'm fighting to stay grounded. It's like one thing after the other... things happening back to back. I could easily go back to living with family but for what? I moved out to be independent and to handle my own... so when things get rough I'm not gonna run. God's gonna see me through it and I hope that he can forgive me for my moments of doubt. I'm still learning how to give it all over to him.

I mean how would you feel if you had a degree that you look at everyday and you have nothing to show for it (according to your standards)? It hurts to feel all your hard work is just sitting pretty on your mantle (or in my case my picture stand). I'm still proud of it... I just wish I could exercise its true value. You have it all figured out until after you cross that stage and it doesn't work out that way. But in the back of my mind I feel that I will come out on top and that this experience will make me appreciate my success.

untitled... it just speaks.

what do you do when the shoulders of which you once stood
have now... collapsed?
what do you do when you are bursting to express yourself...
but feel as if your words have lost their essence?
what do you do when you have the love of your life...
but then when you and he combine to make one that is both of you...
that one falls into eternal slumber from right under you?
what do you do when your happy and sad at the same time?
you've been taught to seek their approval...
when in all actuality that approval doesn't mean shit.
but that's all you know do.
i'm starting something new...
because i need to take my sanity back from you.
i'm stressed...
i'm crying...
i'm stretched...
i've sought to find my joy...
but what brings me joy doesn't fit your definition...
you make me pay for it.
your words sting...
your stares burn a whole in my heart...
if it's hurting you so bad then leave me alone and let me be.
i'm tired of it.
what you took from her...
will not be taken from me.
this is a vicious cycle that will never be broken...
but i will be the speed bump...
cause this life on display for me just wont be.
independence is the best policy.
starting new love,
new traditions,
new support,
new care,
new vocabulary,
new actions,
for me and my family.
its funny how things turn when things get tight.
i once had your support...
but now its not alright.
how can the team conquer the fight,
with bipolar cheerleaders on sight?
but slowly i'm learning to cheer myself on...
cause my life whether it's to your liking...
has to go on.


© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009

~Thanks for reading...and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.
Love & Peace... Avi'Qon