tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5560517398956187232024-03-21T09:55:36.575-07:00The Thoughts and Feelings of Graham...not deep... just real feelings... straight from the knot!BeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.comBlogger48125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-61803967521178440282011-08-18T17:08:00.001-07:002011-08-18T18:34:19.473-07:00just my rant...my dial doesn't adjust to your feelings...
<br />my color doesn't change with your mood.
<br />i'm not a bag of beans that you can punch to let out your anger.
<br />yes, i'm there when your happy...
<br />i console you when your sad...
<br />i calm you when your mad...
<br />but i am not your mood meter..
<br />your mood ring...
<br />or your punching bag.
<br />don't take out your shit on me!
<br />
<br />men why does your woman end up being the one you take it all out on...then you can get on the phone and talk to everyone else like you've had the best day? i really want to know... i've experienced this in a number of relationships and i can't figure this out for the life of me.
<br />
<br />you're scared to loose that friend so you put on a parade for them... but when it comes to your significant other you think of them as your commode... open to take in all your shit, then flush it and act like we're the happiest bitch in the world cause we're with you! give me a break! if there is one thing i'm sick of when it comes to men it's this. BeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-64025331426507709702011-07-21T20:38:00.000-07:002011-07-21T20:58:40.140-07:00It's been a minute...It's been a minute but I'm still here. Sooo much has happened. I've grown so much internally. I don't know where to begin. <br /><br />My babie brought me a brand new laptop for my birthday so I'm going to be blogging again. I can't finally get in my cypher, tune everything out and write. I'm excited to see what will come out. <br /><br />I'm loving life... I'm in the growing pains stage right now though. You know? Fighting tooth and nail for respect as the adult that I am. I pay my own bills... I provide for myself. My other half and I do pretty well for ourselves. I'm proud... especially while raising a 2 year old. <br /><br />My Jaja Bean... He's a mess and growing so fast. I didn't realize children grow so fast. I never knew that I could love someone sooo much. You can't tell me I didn't birth him though I know I didn't... But I've birthed unrestricted love for him in my heart that I've never felt before. Though trying at times... all the time... Motherhood is beautiful. <br /><br />It's not hard to love so much when you get that love in return. No matter what we've been through or go through me and my man are meant to be. I love him when he makes me mad, I love him when he irritates me, I love him when we disagree, I love him when he makes me smile, I love him when he embraces me, I love him when he loves me. He's not perfect but he's perfect for me. The thing I love most is that we are growing together and I know that that alone continues to let our love grow. <br /><br />I am missing my friends from college. Whoever said that college friends are friends for a lifetime was soooo right. I went back for the first time in almost 2 years and I didn't realize how much I missed them until it was time to leave. If I could put Salisbury and Wilmington together I would be happy. <br /><br />I'm enjoying finally having a (somewhat) fulfilling career. Not just a job. In 8 months time I've moved up to working M-F 8-5 vs Thurs-Mon 11-7. Now I'll be interviewing for another position with in the company. God is good.<br /><br />I just wanted to let you all know where I am right now... there is more to come. But I just wanted to get my mojo going so I can this thing started again!BeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-66818394653680365972010-11-28T21:20:00.000-08:002010-11-28T21:58:26.158-08:00i'm back...i must say i had to take sometime and find me. me and aviqon lost touch for a while. i've been through a lot in the past 6+ months and somewhere in the process i lost myself. it was something going on internally and it was showing on the outside which left my friends and family to wonder.<br /><br />you ever notice when your in a situation that may not necessarily be good for you, you feel like those who are truly concerned for you are against you? well that was me... <br /><br />i've been thinking about it for a while and i didn't really realize it until i wrote a piece about what a relationship that one of my close friends (that shall remain nameless) was in and now i find myself in every word of that piece 2 years later. <br /><br />there is nothing new under the sun... we all have subjected ourselves in some form. i suffer from what i like to call "superwoman syndrome." i want to save the world. i will give all of myself and then when i need me... there is none of me left. so i guess this is my declaration that i'm putting God first and me second. i've got to do me. <br /><br />i missed me. i miss all the things about me that make me... me. now i'm not saying i wasn't being myself. i was more of a watered down, depressed version of myself. i was me in black and white... before cable and hd tv. yeah... you ever noticed how beautiful disney movies are when they're re-mastered and put on dvd? well that's what God was (and still is) doing to me. he's taken me through a storm to re-master me and make me more beautiful than ever before and it's all him and none of myself. <br /><br />have you ever been so low that you become complacent with where you are? even when you know you are operating below your standards? complacency is a disease and if you let it... it can become terminal and kill your spirit. no matter what your going through don't become complacent... keep striving even if you feel what your striving for isn't tangible because it's there.<br /><br />i know some of you are wondering... "well, what was going on?" that's neither here nor there. just know that God won't let you stay down for long... but you have to listen for his voice and look for him. he will show you things... whether you want to take heed or not. take it from me and heed to His word! you'll see caution signs everywhere! lol...<br /><br />ahh... i'm back! i feel good about me again... all of me! i'm back in love with me! no one deserves your love and affection more than yourself! call it conceited or whatever you will just make sure you call me beautiful! God's love radiates through the beauty he blessed me with... don't believe me just look and see...<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidEO-a_uHrQMzD2PjTQsjL7h92Np8TJymHHiXZGQChm4rcSDt3gda5_mW4ge5ZEhCbmrqq34LPBTYA_bCWT_9XIb1idQXPM3yH9ey6pr_OkQP3DTvXxiEw8S-Rpt21THoZVmsT8Yulz07N/s1600/pgr.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidEO-a_uHrQMzD2PjTQsjL7h92Np8TJymHHiXZGQChm4rcSDt3gda5_mW4ge5ZEhCbmrqq34LPBTYA_bCWT_9XIb1idQXPM3yH9ey6pr_OkQP3DTvXxiEw8S-Rpt21THoZVmsT8Yulz07N/s320/pgr.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5544844198020386834" /></a><br /><br />well folks... that's all for now! gotta go to WORK! yeah... something i didn't do for five months and God has blessed me with the type of job i've always wanted! i have a career... <br /><br /><object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/qF6EVk2yHTk?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/qF6EVk2yHTk?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>BeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-70090477853051531692010-10-15T12:32:00.000-07:002010-10-15T12:47:22.333-07:00drain the pain...have you ever hurt so bad <br />that you cry almost everyday?<br />trying to drain the pain.<br />my baby is gone...<br />my boyfriend is away...<br />now i'm all alone.<br />it's so hard out here with no one to lean on.<br />no one to hug me when i'm sad...<br />no one to share a laugh...<br />there are lots of people around but none of them are you.<br />i try to smile...<br />then something happens and places a frown.<br />all i have is the ring of the phone...<br />hoping its you...<br />or hoping its a job.<br />i want to believe that Gods got me...<br />but my faith is holding on by a string.<br />i need things to be fixed...<br />i need things to be better than they were before.<br />when will i stop crying...<br />i don't want to hurt anymore.<br />crying and crying...<br />every tear represents something i'm feeling.<br />all the weight that is on my back.<br />everyday something new...<br />i can't keep track.<br />the pain i feel i can't describe...<br />i hope my tears will drain it out <br />until God decides to let me out.BeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-78936932442397029142010-07-26T16:33:00.000-07:002010-07-26T16:42:30.090-07:00avie'sBoy... 3/2/2010how i love you...<br />though i didn't birth you...<br />i care for you as if you came out of my womb.<br />when your here it fills me with joy...<br />whether your throwing up, running around,<br />or playing in the tub with your toys.<br />you and daddy complete me.<br />every day you teach me how to love you.<br />every expression you make lets me know if i'm doing it right.<br />especially when you reach for me and hold me tight.<br />with every bottle i make...<br />and every diaper i change...<br />i do it all with so much love.<br />i pray i'm around to watch you grow.<br />i can't wait to see you jammin' at daddy's first show.<br />to see you learn to play the drums...<br />score a touchdown and your first free throw.<br />to see you go from braids to a fade...<br />and go with your uncle to skate...<br />to see you dig into your first cake.<br />even though i may not always be able to be there...<br />just know you'll always be avie's boy.<br /><br />© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009<br /><br />~Thanks for reading...and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.<br />Love & Peace... Avi'QonBeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-24915993193197763362010-07-25T18:29:00.000-07:002010-07-26T10:49:36.597-07:00different you...been through enough of them...<br />can't say a lot of them...<br />but none of them like you.<br />we are like music...<br />different background...<br />different situations...<br />but our hearts speak the same language.<br />our love like music is universal...<br />cause there's no part of my heart you haven't touched.<br />i've never had a love so mutually...<br />supportive, understanding, and true.<br />no more than the other although we try...<br />our love, like children grow up together...<br />and bloom in our eyes.<br />your so different...<br />but so true.<br />no one has ever loved me the way that you do.<br />i love my different you.<br /><br /><br />© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009<br /><br />~Thanks for reading...and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.<br />Love & Peace... Avi'QonBeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-3029758766498280162010-07-24T20:58:00.000-07:002010-07-24T21:34:11.467-07:00360° and the some...Gosh... I feel like I am in the same place I was in this time last year. So I'm praying that in August I will get a job just like I did a year ago. Man... If I knew this shit was gonna happen to me I would have never left my job that I had. But right is right and wrong is wrong. Now I'm just trying learn how to cope.<br /><br />Not only am I learning how to cope with the loss of my financial independence. I'm trying to learn how to deal with the loss of my unborn child. Yes... some people say, "It was just a miscarriage, you'll have another one. It's not like the baby was born." But until you've gone through that, you'll never know the pain I experienced. <br /><br />So what's next... I don't know. Go back to school maybe? I know one thing I need a job asap! I mean my boyfriend takes care of it all, but I'm used to working. This at home thing isn't working for me. I don't see how some people do it.<br /><br />I can't say that my faith isn't wavering... but like a tree I'm fighting to stay grounded. It's like one thing after the other... things happening back to back. I could easily go back to living with family but for what? I moved out to be independent and to handle my own... so when things get rough I'm not gonna run. God's gonna see me through it and I hope that he can forgive me for my moments of doubt. I'm still learning how to give it all over to him.<br /><br />I mean how would you feel if you had a degree that you look at everyday and you have nothing to show for it (according to your standards)? It hurts to feel all your hard work is just sitting pretty on your mantle (or in my case my picture stand). I'm still proud of it... I just wish I could exercise its true value. You have it all figured out until after you cross that stage and it doesn't work out that way. But in the back of my mind I feel that I will come out on top and that this experience will make me appreciate my success.BeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-15969368895240890522010-07-06T18:49:00.000-07:002010-07-25T18:51:01.774-07:00untitled... it just speaks.what do you do when the shoulders of which you once stood<br />have now... collapsed?<br />what do you do when you are bursting to express yourself...<br />but feel as if your words have lost their essence?<br />what do you do when you have the love of your life...<br />but then when you and he combine to make one that is both of you...<br />that one falls into eternal slumber from right under you?<br />what do you do when your happy and sad at the same time?<br />you've been taught to seek their approval... <br />when in all actuality that approval doesn't mean shit. <br />but that's all you know do.<br />i'm starting something new...<br />because i need to take my sanity back from you.<br />i'm stressed...<br />i'm crying...<br />i'm stretched...<br />i've sought to find my joy... <br />but what brings me joy doesn't fit your definition...<br />you make me pay for it.<br />your words sting...<br />your stares burn a whole in my heart...<br />if it's hurting you so bad then leave me alone and let me be. <br />i'm tired of it. <br />what you took from her...<br />will not be taken from me. <br />this is a vicious cycle that will never be broken...<br />but i will be the speed bump...<br />cause this life on display for me just wont be.<br />independence is the best policy.<br />starting new love,<br />new traditions,<br />new support,<br />new care,<br />new vocabulary,<br />new actions, <br />for me and my family.<br />its funny how things turn when things get tight.<br />i once had your support... <br />but now its not alright.<br />how can the team conquer the fight,<br />with bipolar cheerleaders on sight?<br />but slowly i'm learning to cheer myself on...<br />cause my life whether it's to your liking...<br />has to go on.<br /><br /><br />© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009<br /><br />~Thanks for reading...and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.<br />Love & Peace... Avi'QonBeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-41161002802701274002010-06-27T14:35:00.000-07:002010-06-27T14:45:02.015-07:00Be Alright (Dedication)... J. White featuring Aviqon (Foreign Exchange)<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dwT_NdCwlJhTXzd3ome7b6WszfNDav5x35DXvAqJQi32WlyI-15y4dyiGhwFAbpKszVyU6ppNK8yNYMWS_GLw' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe><br /><br />Ok ya'll... it's been a minute. But I think I'm back. If not I'm going to force my pen to write because writing gives me clarity as well as sanity. But this blog is more of a vocal blog. It's my first song that I sang with my boyfriend J.White. It's entitled<br />"Be Alright" (Dedication) (Sample: The Foreign Exchange- Be Alright) its in memory of our child we lost due to miscarriage and his brother. If you've already commented on my facebook THANK YOU! Check it out and please give me some feedback! Love you!BeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-16082948746541156162010-06-16T18:55:00.000-07:002010-07-25T18:56:55.724-07:00The greatest pain...I have experienced the greatest pain I could ever feel in my life. The questions of "Why?" and "How?" cloud my mind. What could I have done so wrong to ever deserve such pain? But it's not about me... God knows best. But I can't say that even with my ferverent belief in the Lord that this statement brought me much comfort or peace. All I knew is a piece of me is gone and I don't know how or why. Something created in so much love has floated away at the drop of blood. <br /><br />Things that I said in anger I never ever meant. Stress of life's burdens weighing on my shoulders and on your little body. I did my best to be a good mommy even before you were here because I loved you more than life itself. But I'd rather you safe in the arms of the Lord and in the company of your family of angels in heaven then to suffer here on earth with something beyond your control.<br /><br />I now know what it feels like to have your heart ripped right out of your chest... feeling like your living with no life left. I'm slowly coming back to life... slowly smiling here and there, accompanied by a laugh or two. But in my heart I'm sorrowfully singing:<br /><br />"Twinkle Twinkle little star... How I wonder what you are.<br />Up above the world so high... Like a diamond in the sky.<br />Twinkle Twinkle little star... How I wonder what you are."<br /><br />Mommy and Daddy Love you soo much... Until we meet again!<br /><br />"Sweet little flower of Heavenly birth, you were too fair to bloom on Earth"<br /><br /><br />© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009<br /><br />~Thanks for reading...and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.<br />Love & Peace... Avi'Qon<br /><br />song of the blog: "esp" by georgia anne muldrowBeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-92004569583551124712010-06-06T18:06:00.000-07:002010-07-25T18:51:56.385-07:00Bittersweet Honesty...Why does this love thing have to be so hard? Why can't you just be honest and your honesty not hurt? God has commanded us to be honest so why does it have to hurt when we are?<br /><br />I've always been a person in relationships I always want to be honest with my partner and look for the same in my partner. But when you bring up the past do you ever wonder if your getting the raw truth? People are very sensitive about their past... I know I am. When it comes to past relationships... I think that's as sensitive as it gets.<br /><br />1. Because you want to still see your partner as pure as you saw them when you first met.<br /><br />2. Everyone has that little thorn in their stem called jealousy. You don't want to think of your boy/girlfriend loving anyone else more than they love you.<br /><br />3. Some stuff you just don't want to hear... and some stuff you don't want to tell. <br /><br />But... I try to be absolutely honest because I have nothing to hide. I think me and my boyfriend have been pretty honest with each other, even though it can still be a touchy subject.<br /><br />So what do you think? When your in a serious relationship do you tell the truth or do you skim it? Give the name brand or the generic version of the truth?<br /><br /><br />© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009<br /><br />~Thanks for reading...and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.<br />Love & Peace... Avi'QonBeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-56002100084492130262010-06-04T18:11:00.001-07:002010-06-04T18:12:44.288-07:00uhhh... the reason for my stress!http://www.wect.com/Global/story.asp?S=12597805<br /><br />IM NOT GETTING PAID!!!! THE YAHWEH CENTER DOESN'T PAY!!!! <br /><br />CASTLE HAYNE, NC (WECT) - The Yahweh Center Children's Village in New Hanover County is a picturesque place where kids who are hurting go to heal. But beyond the white picket fences, there are signs of financial trouble.<br /><br />Monica Carter has worked at the Yahweh Center for two months and says she has yet to receive a single paycheck. The check she should have received Friday didn't make it into her hands. Instead, she found a memo from Carla Roberts, the founder and executive director of the Yahweh Center, explaining that employees would be paid four days late.<br /><br />"I have bills," said Carter. "I have kids, and I can't wait for Wednesday to get here and then they're like, 'No, I don't have anything for you.'"<br /><br />While Carter is the first to speak out publicly, she's the fifth Yahweh employee to tell WECT about ongoing payroll problems, and much more. We sat down with Carla Roberts to get her side of the story.<br /><br />"I'm in it up to my ears," said Roberts, saying that she is suffering just as much as her employees.<br /><br />Roberts says there's just not enough money to go around, and blames many of the issues on the state.<br /><br />"They've skipped. They've shorted us," she said.<br /><br />She also claims they went three weeks without sending her any Medicaid reimbursement. However, when we checked with the state, we were told that is simply false. In fact, the Department of Health and Human Services said Roberts has received more than $500,000 so far this year; that's about one fourth of her total operating budget of $2.2 million. <br /><br />"Sounds like mismanagement to me," said Carter.<br /><br />She and other employees say the management problems go beyond money, to something much more important -- the care of the children.<br /><br />They also say one of the most difficult parts of the situation is that not only God's name, but God's word are both inextricably connected with The Yahweh Center. It's just a matter of how that word is being used. Some say it's strictly to help the children. Others say it's turned into a method of manipulation. They claim Roberts uses their Christian faith to convince them it's ok if they get paid weeks behind schedule, because God will provide.<br /><br />"Manipulation, people can call it what they want. I'm telling them the truth," said Roberts, saying the organization is transparent and open with its employees, and above all, centered around Christ.<br /><br />"You need to know there's great sacrifice going on here, and there are programs all over North Carolina shutting down."<br /><br />It's clear that no one wants the Yahweh Center to close its gates next, but Carter and a growing list of others do want some answers, and above all, they want what's best for the kids who call Yahweh home.<br /><br />Courtesy of WECT TV 6, Wilmington, NCBeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-32778783313100291252010-05-13T19:12:00.000-07:002010-05-13T19:19:46.586-07:00family tree...what is that i've done...<br />that you have done i can't see...<br />cause you know they say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.<br />so tell me auntie... <br />what are your leaves covering?<br />yes this is the way mommy did it...<br />and now it's my turn.<br />no this wasn't exactly my plan...<br />but the leaves grow where they may...<br />and a new little branch is sprouting out my limb.<br />so let the rain fall...<br />let it grow in peace...<br />and if you can't bear the fruit...<br />fall off the tree and go your way...<br />cause no matter how you see it... this is God's way.<br /><br /><br />© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009<br /><br /><br /> ~Thanks for reading...<br /> and if you haven't clicked that follow button on<br /> the right side above my loyal community, please do<br /> and join the Land of Complex Serenity.<br /> Love & Peace... Avi'QonBeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-87520643165227620732010-01-22T10:43:00.001-08:002010-01-22T10:53:00.329-08:00a new definition of soulmate...a new look on love...<br />a new look on people...<br />a new look on music...<br />a new look on relationships...<br />a new look on family...<br />a new look on life...<br />a new look on me...<br /><br />that's what he's given me.<br />i honestly know what it's like to have a religious love for someone... <br />this love is spiritual and will last a lifetime.<br />two opposites that share one heart... you are my soulmate.<br /><br />it's crazy to me because i never thought it would be you.<br />but you came, saw, and conquered... <br />i'm holding on to you...<br />and your holding on to me... <br />both holding on for dear life.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLAzpyQyj7XaC4PHC-siXF33fc-WfHcNyf-HsyKfjGEkp-gO80qzAuw2GOnEcbr9qBcTYUAQGyqBHgZhGB1sHsMYAkerJSzA0xmZJnY38_DrkOq56Kbs9-i9H16FkFiniQiJMNLvhCmaMo/s1600-h/whites5-1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 239px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLAzpyQyj7XaC4PHC-siXF33fc-WfHcNyf-HsyKfjGEkp-gO80qzAuw2GOnEcbr9qBcTYUAQGyqBHgZhGB1sHsMYAkerJSzA0xmZJnY38_DrkOq56Kbs9-i9H16FkFiniQiJMNLvhCmaMo/s320/whites5-1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5429638956229774946" /></a><br /><br /><br />two opposites... one heart... the new definition of my soulmate...<br /><br /><3 freelancefloetic...<br /><br /><br />© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009<br /><br /><br />~Thanks for reading...<br />and if you haven't clicked that follow button on<br />the right side above my loyal community, please do<br />and join the Land of Complex Serenity.<br />Love & Peace... Avi'QonBeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-86029617758581794132010-01-22T10:32:00.000-08:002010-01-22T10:43:07.808-08:00my decree to mother...i'm trying hard not to grow attached...<br />backing off so i won't become a part...<br />but how can someone so cute, small, innocent, and pure not steal my heart?<br />i don't want to be his mother...<br />i just can't help that i love him.<br />sorry baby mama...<br />i can't turn away...<br />i'm in love with his daddy so i'm going to stay.<br />i've been considerate and tacit...<br />but you'll just have to face it.<br />to fight you that's just basic...<br />i'm pretty...<br />i'm a queen...<br />such a lady as you've heard or seen...<br />to get my hands dirty on someone who is beneath me is so demeaning.<br />you want baby daddy...<br />sorry lady, in your dreams.<br />my relationship with your son will never be done...<br />& this war you've created will never be won.<br />so grow up and become someone...<br />& maybe then you might can raise your son.<br /><br />© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009<br /><br /><br /> ~Thanks for reading...<br /> and if you haven't clicked that follow button on<br /> the right side above my loyal community, please do<br /> and join the Land of Complex Serenity.<br /> Love & Peace... Avi'QonBeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-25219514741646678322009-12-09T16:49:00.000-08:002009-12-09T16:54:01.916-08:00@ a lost...i'm trying to hold back this feeling<br />but it's taking control of me<br />there is so much i feel<br />so much i could say<br />i never thought that you could ever make me feel this way... about you<br /><br />it took 4 months and now i'm everyday "booed" up with you...<br />a month ago i wouldn't even talk to you...<br />but now i can't get enough of you...<br />i don't know how?<br />you stole my heart and everything else followed.<br /><br />i think this is it...<br />i think you've taken the cake...<br />i think the princess has found her prince...<br />just not in the usual armor.<br /><br />i can't find the words...<br />you've stolen every verb...<br /><br />ASG_ _ _ _ _JLW...<br />you fill in the words?<br /><br /><br /><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>BeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-41976323230890075362009-12-02T11:26:00.001-08:002009-12-02T11:51:12.571-08:00he got me!so here we are now... four months later and i have given in. he got me... he didn't steal my eyes... but he stole my heart. this guy is so many cons on my long list of what i want in a man. but he's taking me out of my comfort zone and i see him for who he is and not what i assumed.<br /><br />ya'll i'm doing something that i haven't before... scared? a little... only because he is the total opposite of the type of men i have dated and i am the opposite of what he has dated. so i'm gonna remain optimistic and try this.<br /><br />he treats me as if i was the most important thing in the world... and i can't lie it feels good. never had anyone treat me that way before. not to discredit my ex's... but if they felt that way it wasn't openly.<br /><br />the guy i was "messing" with before him had it all... he was "GQ" just like i like them... mmmhmm. but he didn't want anything out of a relationship... he didn't want one at all for that matter. but he wanted the goods... well they aren't free! ugh... i shouldn't have even entertained him for as long as i did.<br /><br />well God has forgiven me and shown me favor and now i have my babe and all is well. i don't think its going to be a easy relationship, but i think the ride will be worth it.<br /><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>BeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-9036036850154434672009-11-27T10:25:00.000-08:002009-12-09T17:06:46.472-08:00Small Change... feat. What is it to you?your worth is less than small change...
<br />to cry that to me...
<br />is more than insane and...
<br />your worth is less than small change...
<br />......... small change is defined as someone or something insignificant and/or trifling.
<br />
<br />i just gotta let this out...
<br />i'm pretty sure that those of you who are my facebook friends see my statuses that i change on a pretty consistent basis. well lately it has been to people that are the equivalent of small change... or less there of. so if you have been keeping up with what i call the avieBaBie show... i have been sending subliminal messages to the forementioned that i know what's being said and what's going on.
<br />
<br />these are people that i grew up with that attend my church. i know... crazy right. but me and the currency forementioned have never liked each other... since birth. deep right? this girl doesn't like me and i'm willing to bet you some money that if asked... this girl cannot tell you why she doesn't like me. but i can definitely tell you why i don't care for her. but that's a horse of a different color.
<br />
<br />so.. i am friends with... what shall we call him?... we will just say him. well him likes me (he has been mentioned in one blog...) and small change likes him. now at first i wasn't really feeling him like that. to be honest i was 95% not feeling him at all. but time past and things have changed. so me and him have been spending time together and small change isn't feeling it.
<br />
<br />now small change and him are not in any type of relationship. so because she's not getting his attention she uses facebook to vent her feelings about him... me... and everyone else she doesn't have the balls to say anything to.
<br />
<br />this girl is damn psycho... she is obsessed with him and what me and him have going on. she asks him all these questions about us... and are we together... every day!
<br />
<br />i just want to know... what business is it of yours?! you act as if me and you have been friends and i took something that was rightfully yours. girl bye! what is it to you that we are friends... you mad cause your not the bff anymore? lol
<br />
<br />granted i might be wrong for responding subliminally to her desperate cries for attention. but if i have an audience... after awhile i'm going to give you a show.
<br />
<br />more coming soon... unlike small change... i have a job to go to!</span>
<br /></span></span><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>BeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-34287877859526513622009-11-21T14:05:00.000-08:002009-11-21T14:28:00.119-08:00so... i haven't wrote anything in a minute. you know i hate to let down the few and loyal citizens of the land of complex serenity... but... there's been nothing to write about. i have no muse.... no motivation. my life has been as blank as a wall in a psychiatric ward lately.<br /><br />i am ultimately bored. comfortable... but bored. i have a ok job... it's good considering the circumstances. it's a blessing. things are good as far as my spiritual life. God is truly using the gifts he gave me and the music ministry is under reconstruction at my church and i'm proud of the work we're doing. so in the aspect of my life i stay busy.<br /><br />i don't do much with the friends i have here... hell, we all work! it's crazy. and the love life... what love life? ugh... it's horrible. i'm still messing with my "constellation" but it's not going anywhere. not that i can see. it's not idle... it's more in neutral gear. there is another guy that's interested... but am i... hell no! but he's a cool dude. the more i talk to him the more i like him as a friend. sometimes i get it confused as more but then he always does or says something ignorant and/or premature and i quickly come to. he's definitely not a canidate.<br /><br />i need a date!!! a real date... with someone who compliments me and i him. a degree, a 401k, insurance... a life. some ambition. some go getta! but here i swim in this lake of dismal fate that i will ever get a date (lol! that was good! the pen ain't too dry!;))!<br /><br />the prototype that i have mentioned in previous blog... turned out to be the desperate carbon copy of my imagination. the guy is desperate and a hot mess. (i'm glad i didn't give him none... yes!) i can't wait to see him so i can give him the fan, ent. stare like nigga please. ugh... guys like him make me sick! you can't have your cake and eat it too... literally. he has been a grave dissappointment in more than one way.<br /><br />well until the KING of Kings since a Prince for his Princess... I'll just have to sit here and wait.<br /><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>BeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-81747244819304305792009-11-10T15:34:00.000-08:002009-11-10T15:36:54.553-08:00ahh... rain!in the rain...<br />he kissed me...<br />a real kiss...<br />not a provoked one...<br />he wanted to...<br />and he did...<br />in the rain!<br /><br />lol... it's corny but i just wanted to share my joy with you!<br /><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>BeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-325188361777092152009-10-20T14:51:00.000-07:002009-10-20T15:04:04.147-07:00i got... you...loving<span style="font-style: italic;"> you</span> ain't nothing healthy...<br />but i can't let go of this bad habit...<br />called... <span style="font-style: italic;">you</span>.<br />the sent of <span style="font-style: italic;">you</span> gets me high...<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">you</span>'s touch makes me feel like silk...<br />...and the taste of <span style="font-style: italic;">you</span> is intoxicating.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">you</span> is incurable... or at least it feels that way.<br />every time i think i'm fixed...<br />i'm right back at it again...<br />as you drill every inch of <span style="font-style: italic;">you</span> into my spirit...<br />...and with every thrust you make me a believer again.<br />be<span style="font-style: italic;">cum</span> to believe that this <span style="font-style: italic;">you</span> is ok.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">you</span> is full of intellect, charm, wit, and sharp candor.<br />...and with every encounter <span style="font-style: italic;">you</span> melts my defenses.<br /><br /><br /><div align="left"><strong>© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009</strong></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><br /><br />~Thanks for reading... </span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">and if you haven't clicked that follow button on </span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">the right side above my loyal community, please do</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">and join the Land of Complex Serenity.</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Love & Peace... <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Avi'Qon</span></span></div><br /><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>BeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-6505836432687500632009-09-28T18:01:00.000-07:002009-09-28T18:11:14.639-07:00a conversation...as i lay here in my bed...<br />all i can think about is you...<br />how it feels to be under your <span style="font-style: italic;">lovelust</span> embrace.<br />here i lay on my back... starring at the ceiling...<br />looking at my ceiling fan as if it is the moon...<br />that is accompanied by you...<br />my constellation... my personal arrangement of stars.<br />your smile makes my heart flutter...<br />your laugh brings joy to my soul...<br />...and your conversation entices me.<br />sadly this feeling is only temporary...<br />for with you i have to live in the moment...<br />...and only for the moment...<br />cause at any moment... you... could keep it movin'.<br />we are so close... but yet so far...<br />this thing is growing...<br />into what?<br />...is what my heart is in search of knowing.<br />your eyes say everything...<br />but my heart needs your words for validation.<br />maybe our hearts should have a conversation...<br />and come to an agreement...<br />with no interruption from our minds.<br />love and logic is lies...<br />...so let our hearts do the talking.<br /><br /><br /><div align="left"><strong>© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009</strong></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;"></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;"></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;"></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;"><br /><br />~Thanks for reading... </span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">and if you haven't clicked that follow button on </span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">the right side above my loyal community, please do</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">and join the Land of Complex Serenity.</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">Love & Peace... <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Avi'Qon</span></span></div><br /><br /><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>BeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-63469427230229955582009-09-04T15:38:00.000-07:002009-09-04T16:02:13.323-07:00a moment of vulnerability...ok members of the land of <span style="font-style: italic;">"complex serenity"</span> and friends... allow me to be an open book today. i feel the need to be vulnerable and express how i am feeling.<br /><br />for those of you who aren't in to the floacist.. marsha ambrosious' mixtape... track #10 some type of way... please get into her cause that song describes my emotions right now. now i'm not freakin' out crying or anything but i just feel some type of way.<br /><br />i went against my word... i wanted to make him work for it... the feeling hit me and i initiated the call. it was good... it's always good... but it's only temporary and now i am feeling the error of my ways.<br /><br />ugh... why did i do it? i really liked him. i wanted more out of this... i should have kept my <span style="font-style: italic;">"piece</span>.<span style="font-style: italic;">"</span> when the feeling hits you... it hits you... lord work with me... i'm still learning how to die to my flesh... and sex is definitely a weakness.<br /><br />i am delivered... or at least i am claming my deliverance... therefore i confess my sins publicly.<br /><br />i gotta stay away from what i will call <span style="font-style: italic;">"chocolate milk"</span>... it truly makes my knees buckle.<br />but i think he has made the decision for me since i haven't heard from him.<br /><br />i must admit he had me blindsided cause he came rapped in the total package... but no matter how he's delivered... a nigga is a nigga.<br /><br />but i can't blame him for how i feel... it was a concious decision that i made... i must deal with my decisions accordingly... but along with that comes conviction and that never feels good.<br /><br />you live... you learn... then you hold your <span style="font-style: italic;">"piece."</span><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;"><br />~Thanks for reading...and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.</span><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">Love & Peace... Avi'Qon</span><br /></div><br /><br /><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>BeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-59003949629256493332009-08-22T21:19:00.000-07:002009-08-22T21:28:39.991-07:00stuck up... ok! (randomness)i have a standard... i can't deviate from that... as much as i want to sometime. call me stuck up... it will benefit me in the long run. i'm "wifey material" and i will never give that status up for no man. i want long term... something that will become permanent... not a short term relationship or a temporary fix (no matter how good they feel). i'm me.<br /><br />i felt like someones piece today... i don't like how that feels and it was a reminder of why i hold the standards that i do. as much as i like you... i can't let them go. and i don't think having a sexual relationship is going to make you want me the way i think i want you. so... hmm. i want to be a wife... i want to be a mother. i want a man... someone who wants to love me flaws and all, grow in God. that's what i want.<br /><br />now i'm not perfect... i fall to the power of the penis sometimes... but it's not often and i continue to work on my control because i get weak from time to time. what to do... what to do? i can't win for loosing.<br /><br />guys what do you want? you want a wife or a hoe? a girlfriend or a fuckbuddie? which one is more appealing? it seems like the hoes always stay on top!!! i'm so fustrated!<br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">~Thanks for reading...and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Love & Peace... Avi'Qon</span><br /><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"></div><div id="refHTML"></div><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>BeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-556051739895618723.post-51561040810427250692009-08-19T19:40:00.000-07:002009-08-19T20:26:35.662-07:00mystically eccentric...copulation under the stars...<br />no osculation... kept my mind racing.<br />never have i ever copulated under such circumstance.<br />but change is awkward... but good.<br />remotely <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">cognated</span> under the earths mystical blanket...<br />creating ocean waves that are as natural as the beach itself.<br />totally... or kind of platonic.<br />this constellation is of a interrogative complexity...<br />it can be overwhelming... but it something about it's rarity that makes it not bother me.<br />it's perplexing how the earth turns...<br />cause six years ago... i never would imagine exploring this arrangement of stars.<br />the truth that lies within it's structure is noble...<br />and with each truth... it makes me want to explore more.<br />but with that urge i will <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">suppress</span> my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">inquistiveness</span>...<br />and wait for the constellation to unveil itself.<br /><br /><div align="left"><strong>© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009</strong></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">~Thanks for reading... </span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">and if you haven't clicked that follow button on </span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">the right side above my loyal community, please do</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">and join the Land of Complex Serenity.</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Love & Peace... <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Avi'Qon</span></span></div>BeyondBeautiful...http://www.blogger.com/profile/00513386403344781465noreply@blogger.com1