different you...

been through enough of them...
can't say a lot of them...
but none of them like you.
we are like music...
different background...
different situations...
but our hearts speak the same language.
our love like music is universal...
cause there's no part of my heart you haven't touched.
i've never had a love so mutually...
supportive, understanding, and true.
no more than the other although we try...
our love, like children grow up together...
and bloom in our eyes.
your so different...
but so true.
no one has ever loved me the way that you do.
i love my different you.


© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009

~Thanks for reading...and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.
Love & Peace... Avi'Qon

my decree to mother...

i'm trying hard not to grow attached...
backing off so i won't become a part...
but how can someone so cute, small, innocent, and pure not steal my heart?
i don't want to be his mother...
i just can't help that i love him.
sorry baby mama...
i can't turn away...
i'm in love with his daddy so i'm going to stay.
i've been considerate and tacit...
but you'll just have to face it.
to fight you that's just basic...
i'm pretty...
i'm a queen...
such a lady as you've heard or seen...
to get my hands dirty on someone who is beneath me is so demeaning.
you want baby daddy...
sorry lady, in your dreams.
my relationship with your son will never be done...
& this war you've created will never be won.
so grow up and become someone...
& maybe then you might can raise your son.

© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009


~Thanks for reading...
and if you haven't clicked that follow button on
the right side above my loyal community, please do
and join the Land of Complex Serenity.
Love & Peace... Avi'Qon

@ a lost...

i'm trying to hold back this feeling
but it's taking control of me
there is so much i feel
so much i could say
i never thought that you could ever make me feel this way... about you

it took 4 months and now i'm everyday "booed" up with you...
a month ago i wouldn't even talk to you...
but now i can't get enough of you...
i don't know how?
you stole my heart and everything else followed.

i think this is it...
i think you've taken the cake...
i think the princess has found her prince...
just not in the usual armor.

i can't find the words...
you've stolen every verb...

ASG_ _ _ _ _JLW...
you fill in the words?

times a wastin'?

did i waste my time? ...or did i do the right thing by trusting love, having faith in the one i love, and fighting against the odds? oh... it all feels "blah" right now cause... i'm alone. now i truly believe that there's a difference between alone and lonely. i'm not going to lie... sometimes i'm lonely. but i can't ponder on it because what will be will be. i just wish sometimes it was with a significant other.

now i know my blogs are all about loving someone or my chronicles of hopeless attempts at love. but that's not all that consumes me... it's just something that I have to vent about.

how do you give up fully... when your heart won't let you?

i don't know why i'm holding on... i love him like i have loved no other. but now i feel like maybe our destiny is just friendship... friendship?

now don't get me wrong... i have no regrets. i just wish i would have gotten my happily ever after.

~Thanks for reading...and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.
Love & Peace... Avi'Qon

my addiction...

addicted to you...
out of sight... out of mind... only works for so long.
your my hearts addiction...
like a crackhead to a rock...
i'll give you everything i got.
6 weeks clean, now i'm back at this thing...
been on my mind since i touched stream.
your smile is the strap i tie around my arm...
the melody of your heartbeat is the thump of my finger as i search for a vein...
thoughts of you serve as my conscious as i prepare to inject you into my bloodstream.
the feel of your touch, the taste of your kiss, and the aftershock of your love making is the poison that i inject and give permission to attack my body.
how do i beat this addiction?
it makes me feel like i can fly...
sometimes it makes me feel like i could sink to the bottom of the sea.
but i love it fiercely...
like lauren... "when it hurts so bad, why'ds it feel soo good?"

© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009

~Thanks for reading... and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right side above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.
Love & Peace... Avi'Qon

Untitled... Speechless 2/17/07

So... this was my first attempt at poetry! I hope that you like it. I was inspired to put this up because of a convo I had with my blogtv fam... and it took me to a place. A special person was my muse for this as well as 50% of my other pieces... but anyway... tell me what you think!


I want to start out with poetry of my own words...
The thought of me actually erecting words to translate to you
precisely what I feel in my heart and from the depths of my soul...
that's hard to do that when it comes to you.

From choirmates.. to best friends... to lovers...
something that I thought was so subliminal from the reality of my life.
Little did I know that God loves me so much
that he gave me the one thing that my heart was longing for...
that one desire is EDF...

At first the slightest thing became the biggest thing
from wanting to be in your company...
Engulfed in your presence was a good love feeling
but it was also a feeling of congestion and suffocation...

Never was that my intention...
but a girl as lucky as I...
always wants her good luck charm around.

To ~~~~~Breathe~~~~~ was all you wanted
no love lost...
Growing in love with the pursuit of happiness with you,
I took the chance to ~~~~~~Breathe~~~~~~
scared that it would inflict our relationship...
for it to become the best sacrifice I ever made...
It made our love grow!

Five months later... life with you is so much greater...
greater than I could ever imagine.
A love soo extraordinary...
a new beauty it has given to me...
that it illuminates from the trenches of my soul.


Missing you teases me, yet it's healthy... (God I miss my Pooh...)
The sound of your ringer titillates me... (He's calling!)
Seeing you makes me grateful to have you... (That's all mine...)
Holding you melts my heart as we harmonize together...

Our conversation is my favorite song...
For music is a language that everyone can understand...
But when it comes to you and I...
Music is our personal language... our communication...
that no one understands but us...


© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009

~Thanks for reading... and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right side above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.
Love & Peace... Avi'Qon

Love Knows no Bounds...

Who defines what is acceptable in love? I was just reading a couple of blogs on myspace between my ex and I and I have to say that we were really in love. I truly believe that love knows no boundaries. I know it to be so because love and logic... they are like oil and water... they just do not mix. We did not have... maybe I should say don't have (our relationship is a never ending story) your ordinary, typical, relationship. There were a lot of things that were present in our lives that a lot of people... if put in that situation would just let go. But I couldn't let go. How do you let go of your dream? This man was my dream since the day I met him... I just didn't know it until months later. As for him... he didn't know it until a year or so later.

Love will make you do some crazy things... When you are truly in love, there is no limit to the things that you will do just to keep the one you love. I haven't done anything out of the ordinary as far as my actions... but mentally I have gone ballistic trying to concieve ways to keep this wheel turning... and that has been my focal point for 5 years. We have survived it all... I believe that our relationship made us stronger individually because we have dodged so many bullets.

Have you ever had friends who you thought were just the most supportive people in the world? ... Only to find out that they are only supportive of the things that they can comprehend. Once a situation arises that is beyond their level of understanding, you no longer have their support? I found that out during our relationship. His friends could not understand why we where dating... and my family and friends could not understand it either. All of our friends were friends with one another... so some of them tag teamed what seemed in my eyes to be just me only to discover that it was both of us. That really took a toll on our relationship... but we stuck it out for as long as we could. We ended up breaking up after eight months. But our relationship has never ended...

Eventhough we broke up... the fire has never gone out. Our love is a bittersweet symphony. I don't know why but no matter who comes... and who goes... at the end of it all we always comeback to each other. I have sometimes wondered if I truly, truly, let go... will we still end up together. But everytime I try my heart leads me back to him. He has open my eyes to so much... we've grown so much together. But I wonder if we will ever grow out of each other?

My biggest fear is that he won't be my husband. I feel that he is my soulmate... No one else fits! No one else complements me so well... But I wonder how he feels. I know some things... but I'm nosey, so I guess I don't know enough. Not enough for comfort or reassurance. I guess because I'm competing against something that may defeat me. I believe it's conquerable... but it's not my battle. Most say that I should just give it up... some say hang in there. I feel that I have invested too much physically, mentally, and spiritually. I've been giving this thing my all. Sometimes I feel that there is no fight left... but everytime he hugs me... nuzzles my cheek... plays a song for me, kisses me, bites his lip, pours into me, all the things that we share as lovers and best friends... it makes me want to fight more. The prize will be rewarding at the end.

What should I do? I'm want answers from those who don't know me...

~Thanks for reading... and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right side above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.
Love & Peace... Avi'Qon