untitled... it just speaks.

what do you do when the shoulders of which you once stood
have now... collapsed?
what do you do when you are bursting to express yourself...
but feel as if your words have lost their essence?
what do you do when you have the love of your life...
but then when you and he combine to make one that is both of you...
that one falls into eternal slumber from right under you?
what do you do when your happy and sad at the same time?
you've been taught to seek their approval...
when in all actuality that approval doesn't mean shit.
but that's all you know do.
i'm starting something new...
because i need to take my sanity back from you.
i'm stressed...
i'm crying...
i'm stretched...
i've sought to find my joy...
but what brings me joy doesn't fit your definition...
you make me pay for it.
your words sting...
your stares burn a whole in my heart...
if it's hurting you so bad then leave me alone and let me be.
i'm tired of it.
what you took from her...
will not be taken from me.
this is a vicious cycle that will never be broken...
but i will be the speed bump...
cause this life on display for me just wont be.
independence is the best policy.
starting new love,
new traditions,
new support,
new care,
new vocabulary,
new actions,
for me and my family.
its funny how things turn when things get tight.
i once had your support...
but now its not alright.
how can the team conquer the fight,
with bipolar cheerleaders on sight?
but slowly i'm learning to cheer myself on...
cause my life whether it's to your liking...
has to go on.


© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009

~Thanks for reading...and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.
Love & Peace... Avi'Qon

family tree...

what is that i've done...
that you have done i can't see...
cause you know they say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
so tell me auntie...
what are your leaves covering?
yes this is the way mommy did it...
and now it's my turn.
no this wasn't exactly my plan...
but the leaves grow where they may...
and a new little branch is sprouting out my limb.
so let the rain fall...
let it grow in peace...
and if you can't bear the fruit...
fall off the tree and go your way...
cause no matter how you see it... this is God's way.


© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009


~Thanks for reading...
and if you haven't clicked that follow button on
the right side above my loyal community, please do
and join the Land of Complex Serenity.
Love & Peace... Avi'Qon

randomness...(growingup)

so i am about to embark on my second transition as an adult...
i know this is going to work out because God's got my back. it's hard not to have reservations about this independent and exciting realness because this is my first time. i don't want to reveal what it is until it's official... so be looking for pictures in 2 weeks or less.

this week has been a hard week already... it's just hump day. but that's a good thing, because that means that a new week is on the horizon. i'm excited.
the job is still moving slow, but it's coming a long. i'm still getting paid... so all is well. i am itching to get to the "nittygritty though... i know your like "who actually want's to work?" ..but i love what i do.

i want to say that i thank God for my family... for their love and support. i think that i am finally being accepted as an adult and that they are ready to let me live off of what they have instilled in me. that feels so awesome! ...even granny! it means a lot to me that my family believes in me... and as the fear subsides... i feel the urge to fly!

ok....

so the "swain" is back from his voyage. i'm not sure how i feel yet? i almost pissed on myself when he said he missed me... hmm? i missed him too... i'm definitely happy that he made it home safely and i am extremely proud of what he has accomplished and the proof is aparent in his melodious sound.
it's funny... somethings never change and some old habits never die. i talk to him on the phone last night... he was throwing shade at me about music. lol... i think i'm getting good at finding music! i got georgia anne muldrow... umsindo (thanks blaklair! ;)) last night! too excited... anyway... it was cool... then the bliss ended quick... i lost his attention. same story... same scenario. calling other people and everything... but hey, that's him :l

i guess i said that to say that it doesn't bother me as much as it used to... but it's still a pet peeve! am i loosing it for him? probably temporarily... because that never lasts long.

where i am now in my life is a quest for some type of stability... in every facet. i want a solid relationship with the chance to grow into a marriage. someone who will be considerate of my feelings... and i of his. a man who will believe in me and support my goals and aspirations... not just deluge himself in the fact that i support his and not consider that i have them too. ...and of course a man who loves the things that i do. someone who is open minded to what he doesn't understand and willing to learn from me as well as i from him. well... that's my wishlist...

until later...

~Thanks for reading... and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right side above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.
Love & Peace... Avi'Qon