avie'sBoy... 3/2/2010

how i love you...
though i didn't birth you...
i care for you as if you came out of my womb.
when your here it fills me with joy...
whether your throwing up, running around,
or playing in the tub with your toys.
you and daddy complete me.
every day you teach me how to love you.
every expression you make lets me know if i'm doing it right.
especially when you reach for me and hold me tight.
with every bottle i make...
and every diaper i change...
i do it all with so much love.
i pray i'm around to watch you grow.
i can't wait to see you jammin' at daddy's first show.
to see you learn to play the drums...
score a touchdown and your first free throw.
to see you go from braids to a fade...
and go with your uncle to skate...
to see you dig into your first cake.
even though i may not always be able to be there...
just know you'll always be avie's boy.

© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009

~Thanks for reading...and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.
Love & Peace... Avi'Qon

The greatest pain...

I have experienced the greatest pain I could ever feel in my life. The questions of "Why?" and "How?" cloud my mind. What could I have done so wrong to ever deserve such pain? But it's not about me... God knows best. But I can't say that even with my ferverent belief in the Lord that this statement brought me much comfort or peace. All I knew is a piece of me is gone and I don't know how or why. Something created in so much love has floated away at the drop of blood.

Things that I said in anger I never ever meant. Stress of life's burdens weighing on my shoulders and on your little body. I did my best to be a good mommy even before you were here because I loved you more than life itself. But I'd rather you safe in the arms of the Lord and in the company of your family of angels in heaven then to suffer here on earth with something beyond your control.

I now know what it feels like to have your heart ripped right out of your chest... feeling like your living with no life left. I'm slowly coming back to life... slowly smiling here and there, accompanied by a laugh or two. But in my heart I'm sorrowfully singing:

"Twinkle Twinkle little star... How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high... Like a diamond in the sky.
Twinkle Twinkle little star... How I wonder what you are."

Mommy and Daddy Love you soo much... Until we meet again!

"Sweet little flower of Heavenly birth, you were too fair to bloom on Earth"


© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009

~Thanks for reading...and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.
Love & Peace... Avi'Qon

song of the blog: "esp" by georgia anne muldrow