a conversation...

as i lay here in my bed...
all i can think about is you...
how it feels to be under your lovelust embrace.
here i lay on my back... starring at the ceiling...
looking at my ceiling fan as if it is the moon...
that is accompanied by you...
my constellation... my personal arrangement of stars.
your smile makes my heart flutter...
your laugh brings joy to my soul...
...and your conversation entices me.
sadly this feeling is only temporary...
for with you i have to live in the moment...
...and only for the moment...
cause at any moment... you... could keep it movin'.
we are so close... but yet so far...
this thing is growing...
into what?
...is what my heart is in search of knowing.
your eyes say everything...
but my heart needs your words for validation.
maybe our hearts should have a conversation...
and come to an agreement...
with no interruption from our minds.
love and logic is lies...
...so let our hearts do the talking.

© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009

~Thanks for reading...

and if you haven't clicked that follow button on

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Love & Peace... Avi'Qon

a moment of vulnerability...

ok members of the land of "complex serenity" and friends... allow me to be an open book today. i feel the need to be vulnerable and express how i am feeling.

for those of you who aren't in to the floacist.. marsha ambrosious' mixtape... track #10 some type of way... please get into her cause that song describes my emotions right now. now i'm not freakin' out crying or anything but i just feel some type of way.

i went against my word... i wanted to make him work for it... the feeling hit me and i initiated the call. it was good... it's always good... but it's only temporary and now i am feeling the error of my ways.

ugh... why did i do it? i really liked him. i wanted more out of this... i should have kept my "piece." when the feeling hits you... it hits you... lord work with me... i'm still learning how to die to my flesh... and sex is definitely a weakness.

i am delivered... or at least i am claming my deliverance... therefore i confess my sins publicly.

i gotta stay away from what i will call "chocolate milk"... it truly makes my knees buckle.
but i think he has made the decision for me since i haven't heard from him.

i must admit he had me blindsided cause he came rapped in the total package... but no matter how he's delivered... a nigga is a nigga.

but i can't blame him for how i feel... it was a concious decision that i made... i must deal with my decisions accordingly... but along with that comes conviction and that never feels good.

you live... you learn... then you hold your "piece."

~Thanks for reading...and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.

Love & Peace... Avi'Qon

stuck up... ok! (randomness)

i have a standard... i can't deviate from that... as much as i want to sometime. call me stuck up... it will benefit me in the long run. i'm "wifey material" and i will never give that status up for no man. i want long term... something that will become permanent... not a short term relationship or a temporary fix (no matter how good they feel). i'm me.

i felt like someones piece today... i don't like how that feels and it was a reminder of why i hold the standards that i do. as much as i like you... i can't let them go. and i don't think having a sexual relationship is going to make you want me the way i think i want you. so... hmm. i want to be a wife... i want to be a mother. i want a man... someone who wants to love me flaws and all, grow in God. that's what i want.

now i'm not perfect... i fall to the power of the penis sometimes... but it's not often and i continue to work on my control because i get weak from time to time. what to do... what to do? i can't win for loosing.

guys what do you want? you want a wife or a hoe? a girlfriend or a fuckbuddie? which one is more appealing? it seems like the hoes always stay on top!!! i'm so fustrated!

~Thanks for reading...and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.
Love & Peace... Avi'Qon

mystically eccentric...

copulation under the stars...
no osculation... kept my mind racing.
never have i ever copulated under such circumstance.
but change is awkward... but good.
remotely cognated under the earths mystical blanket...
creating ocean waves that are as natural as the beach itself.
totally... or kind of platonic.
this constellation is of a interrogative complexity...
it can be overwhelming... but it something about it's rarity that makes it not bother me.
it's perplexing how the earth turns...
cause six years ago... i never would imagine exploring this arrangement of stars.
the truth that lies within it's structure is noble...
and with each truth... it makes me want to explore more.
but with that urge i will suppress my inquistiveness...
and wait for the constellation to unveil itself.

© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009

~Thanks for reading...

and if you haven't clicked that follow button on

the right side above my loyal community, please do

and join the Land of Complex Serenity.

Love & Peace... Avi'Qon

definition of alone...

alone:
5'4" brown eyes, short black & brown hair...
beautiful, full size 18 queen with a bsw degree from lc.
employed full time with no kids...
fresh out of the womb of education...
birthed into the world of her own.
musically inclined... lover of God...
non-judgmental and justly open minded.
a lady in the streets... ...well you know the rest.
classy and sassy... full and fabulous... preppy... flip flop fashionista.
social butterfly waiting for take off...
looking for a partner to fly side by side.
alone: the definition is me...


© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009

~Thanks for reading...and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.
Love & Peace... Avi'Qon

times a wastin'?

did i waste my time? ...or did i do the right thing by trusting love, having faith in the one i love, and fighting against the odds? oh... it all feels "blah" right now cause... i'm alone. now i truly believe that there's a difference between alone and lonely. i'm not going to lie... sometimes i'm lonely. but i can't ponder on it because what will be will be. i just wish sometimes it was with a significant other.

now i know my blogs are all about loving someone or my chronicles of hopeless attempts at love. but that's not all that consumes me... it's just something that I have to vent about.

how do you give up fully... when your heart won't let you?

i don't know why i'm holding on... i love him like i have loved no other. but now i feel like maybe our destiny is just friendship... friendship?

now don't get me wrong... i have no regrets. i just wish i would have gotten my happily ever after.

~Thanks for reading...and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.
Love & Peace... Avi'Qon

Blessings from different directions...

You ever think that you have your plan set in motion.... and even though the way may seem blurry, you have faith that you will make it. Then God throws (what I would like to call) a "divine monkey wrench" in your plans.

So, I was supposed to move in with some friends this weekend back in Salisbury... but then God sent a blessing my way. I got a job opportunity, back home in Wilmington, NC. Now I know that this is the place I always said that I never wanted to end up... but lately (prior to this opportunity) I have had a different perspective on that whole situation.

So... the thought of living in Wilmington is not bad anymore. I can handle it... and it's better than once perceived. Wilmington always represented failure to me. The notion was that if I moved back to Wilmington, after graduating from college= failure. But I see different now... failure depends on the person and their efforts towards their success. So, I know that now matter where I am... I will be successful.

All of my family is very excited at the possibility of me moving back home... I guess I am too. I'm not sad or disappointed... that's for sure.

I thank God for the friends that I have in my life. My Domi... she's the best. She is a true friend. She completely understands my situation... and wished me the best. She was a little upset at first... who could blame her? But she understands, you can't just let a potentially fantastic opportunity pass you by. Thanks girl!

Well... stay tuned you guys. I will keep you updated!

~Thanks for reading...and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.
Love & Peace... Avi'Qon