he got me!

so here we are now... four months later and i have given in. he got me... he didn't steal my eyes... but he stole my heart. this guy is so many cons on my long list of what i want in a man. but he's taking me out of my comfort zone and i see him for who he is and not what i assumed.

ya'll i'm doing something that i haven't before... scared? a little... only because he is the total opposite of the type of men i have dated and i am the opposite of what he has dated. so i'm gonna remain optimistic and try this.

he treats me as if i was the most important thing in the world... and i can't lie it feels good. never had anyone treat me that way before. not to discredit my ex's... but if they felt that way it wasn't openly.

the guy i was "messing" with before him had it all... he was "GQ" just like i like them... mmmhmm. but he didn't want anything out of a relationship... he didn't want one at all for that matter. but he wanted the goods... well they aren't free! ugh... i shouldn't have even entertained him for as long as i did.

well God has forgiven me and shown me favor and now i have my babe and all is well. i don't think its going to be a easy relationship, but i think the ride will be worth it.

Small Change... feat. What is it to you?

your worth is less than small change...
to cry that to me...
is more than insane and...
your worth is less than small change...
......... small change is defined as someone or something insignificant and/or trifling.

i just gotta let this out...
i'm pretty sure that those of you who are my facebook friends see my statuses that i change on a pretty consistent basis. well lately it has been to people that are the equivalent of small change... or less there of. so if you have been keeping up with what i call the avieBaBie show... i have been sending subliminal messages to the forementioned that i know what's being said and what's going on.

these are people that i grew up with that attend my church. i know... crazy right. but me and the currency forementioned have never liked each other... since birth. deep right? this girl doesn't like me and i'm willing to bet you some money that if asked... this girl cannot tell you why she doesn't like me. but i can definitely tell you why i don't care for her. but that's a horse of a different color.

so.. i am friends with... what shall we call him?... we will just say him. well him likes me (he has been mentioned in one blog...) and small change likes him. now at first i wasn't really feeling him like that. to be honest i was 95% not feeling him at all. but time past and things have changed. so me and him have been spending time together and small change isn't feeling it.

now small change and him are not in any type of relationship. so because she's not getting his attention she uses facebook to vent her feelings about him... me... and everyone else she doesn't have the balls to say anything to.

this girl is damn psycho... she is obsessed with him and what me and him have going on. she asks him all these questions about us... and are we together... every day!

i just want to know... what business is it of yours?! you act as if me and you have been friends and i took something that was rightfully yours. girl bye! what is it to you that we are friends... you mad cause your not the bff anymore? lol

granted i might be wrong for responding subliminally to her desperate cries for attention. but if i have an audience... after awhile i'm going to give you a show.

more coming soon... unlike small change... i have a job to go to!

so... i haven't wrote anything in a minute. you know i hate to let down the few and loyal citizens of the land of complex serenity... but... there's been nothing to write about. i have no muse.... no motivation. my life has been as blank as a wall in a psychiatric ward lately.

i am ultimately bored. comfortable... but bored. i have a ok job... it's good considering the circumstances. it's a blessing. things are good as far as my spiritual life. God is truly using the gifts he gave me and the music ministry is under reconstruction at my church and i'm proud of the work we're doing. so in the aspect of my life i stay busy.

i don't do much with the friends i have here... hell, we all work! it's crazy. and the love life... what love life? ugh... it's horrible. i'm still messing with my "constellation" but it's not going anywhere. not that i can see. it's not idle... it's more in neutral gear. there is another guy that's interested... but am i... hell no! but he's a cool dude. the more i talk to him the more i like him as a friend. sometimes i get it confused as more but then he always does or says something ignorant and/or premature and i quickly come to. he's definitely not a canidate.

i need a date!!! a real date... with someone who compliments me and i him. a degree, a 401k, insurance... a life. some ambition. some go getta! but here i swim in this lake of dismal fate that i will ever get a date (lol! that was good! the pen ain't too dry!;))!

the prototype that i have mentioned in previous blog... turned out to be the desperate carbon copy of my imagination. the guy is desperate and a hot mess. (i'm glad i didn't give him none... yes!) i can't wait to see him so i can give him the fan, ent. stare like nigga please. ugh... guys like him make me sick! you can't have your cake and eat it too... literally. he has been a grave dissappointment in more than one way.

well until the KING of Kings since a Prince for his Princess... I'll just have to sit here and wait.

ahh... rain!

in the rain...
he kissed me...
a real kiss...
not a provoked one...
he wanted to...
and he did...
in the rain!

lol... it's corny but i just wanted to share my joy with you!

i got... you...

loving you ain't nothing healthy...
but i can't let go of this bad habit...
called... you.
the sent of you gets me high...
you's touch makes me feel like silk...
...and the taste of you is intoxicating.
you is incurable... or at least it feels that way.
every time i think i'm fixed...
i'm right back at it again...
as you drill every inch of you into my spirit...
...and with every thrust you make me a believer again.
becum to believe that this you is ok.
you is full of intellect, charm, wit, and sharp candor.
...and with every encounter you melts my defenses.

© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009

~Thanks for reading...

and if you haven't clicked that follow button on

the right side above my loyal community, please do

and join the Land of Complex Serenity.

Love & Peace... Avi'Qon

a conversation...

as i lay here in my bed...
all i can think about is you...
how it feels to be under your lovelust embrace.
here i lay on my back... starring at the ceiling...
looking at my ceiling fan as if it is the moon...
that is accompanied by you...
my constellation... my personal arrangement of stars.
your smile makes my heart flutter...
your laugh brings joy to my soul...
...and your conversation entices me.
sadly this feeling is only temporary...
for with you i have to live in the moment...
...and only for the moment...
cause at any moment... you... could keep it movin'.
we are so close... but yet so far...
this thing is growing...
into what?
...is what my heart is in search of knowing.
your eyes say everything...
but my heart needs your words for validation.
maybe our hearts should have a conversation...
and come to an agreement...
with no interruption from our minds.
love and logic is lies...
...so let our hearts do the talking.

© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009

~Thanks for reading...

and if you haven't clicked that follow button on

the right side above my loyal community, please do

and join the Land of Complex Serenity.

Love & Peace... Avi'Qon

a moment of vulnerability...

ok members of the land of "complex serenity" and friends... allow me to be an open book today. i feel the need to be vulnerable and express how i am feeling.

for those of you who aren't in to the floacist.. marsha ambrosious' mixtape... track #10 some type of way... please get into her cause that song describes my emotions right now. now i'm not freakin' out crying or anything but i just feel some type of way.

i went against my word... i wanted to make him work for it... the feeling hit me and i initiated the call. it was good... it's always good... but it's only temporary and now i am feeling the error of my ways.

ugh... why did i do it? i really liked him. i wanted more out of this... i should have kept my "piece." when the feeling hits you... it hits you... lord work with me... i'm still learning how to die to my flesh... and sex is definitely a weakness.

i am delivered... or at least i am claming my deliverance... therefore i confess my sins publicly.

i gotta stay away from what i will call "chocolate milk"... it truly makes my knees buckle.
but i think he has made the decision for me since i haven't heard from him.

i must admit he had me blindsided cause he came rapped in the total package... but no matter how he's delivered... a nigga is a nigga.

but i can't blame him for how i feel... it was a concious decision that i made... i must deal with my decisions accordingly... but along with that comes conviction and that never feels good.

you live... you learn... then you hold your "piece."

~Thanks for reading...and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.

Love & Peace... Avi'Qon