i'm back...

i must say i had to take sometime and find me. me and aviqon lost touch for a while. i've been through a lot in the past 6+ months and somewhere in the process i lost myself. it was something going on internally and it was showing on the outside which left my friends and family to wonder.

you ever notice when your in a situation that may not necessarily be good for you, you feel like those who are truly concerned for you are against you? well that was me...

i've been thinking about it for a while and i didn't really realize it until i wrote a piece about what a relationship that one of my close friends (that shall remain nameless) was in and now i find myself in every word of that piece 2 years later.

there is nothing new under the sun... we all have subjected ourselves in some form. i suffer from what i like to call "superwoman syndrome." i want to save the world. i will give all of myself and then when i need me... there is none of me left. so i guess this is my declaration that i'm putting God first and me second. i've got to do me.

i missed me. i miss all the things about me that make me... me. now i'm not saying i wasn't being myself. i was more of a watered down, depressed version of myself. i was me in black and white... before cable and hd tv. yeah... you ever noticed how beautiful disney movies are when they're re-mastered and put on dvd? well that's what God was (and still is) doing to me. he's taken me through a storm to re-master me and make me more beautiful than ever before and it's all him and none of myself.

have you ever been so low that you become complacent with where you are? even when you know you are operating below your standards? complacency is a disease and if you let it... it can become terminal and kill your spirit. no matter what your going through don't become complacent... keep striving even if you feel what your striving for isn't tangible because it's there.

i know some of you are wondering... "well, what was going on?" that's neither here nor there. just know that God won't let you stay down for long... but you have to listen for his voice and look for him. he will show you things... whether you want to take heed or not. take it from me and heed to His word! you'll see caution signs everywhere! lol...

ahh... i'm back! i feel good about me again... all of me! i'm back in love with me! no one deserves your love and affection more than yourself! call it conceited or whatever you will just make sure you call me beautiful! God's love radiates through the beauty he blessed me with... don't believe me just look and see...



well folks... that's all for now! gotta go to WORK! yeah... something i didn't do for five months and God has blessed me with the type of job i've always wanted! i have a career...

A Lost Lovers Soul... 5/20/2009

How is a soul lost in love?
How can you let someone gain control of your spirit?
How can you let someone gain control of your mind?
...you are doing thing that you would never do.
...buying things to hold on to their love... but reality is you never had it.
...you are acting in manner that endangers your life and the lives of your family.
...just to obtain ones love.
Scorned time and time again... but never one lesson learned.
Six years of false love given... you cry tears the size of oceans...
cause unbenounced to you... you let her steal your manhood.
A man raised to a standard... with big shoes to fill?
How would your Daddy feel if he could see you now?
Don't let what was instilled in you fall on unfertile ground...
the older you get the more you should learn.
Where was your concious at?
You acted upon your pain and now your sitting starring at the piss stains on the wall of an open stall!
All for someone who doesn't mean shit to anyone...
...someone you literally gave your all for to make them feel like someone
...who in return stole who you were.
What did it profit you to gain her and loose your soul?
Maybe you will find the anwser as you sit in that cage... something that was never built for a man of your stature.
You were a father to me... before you even became one...
I never needed a Daddy I had you...
There is nothing wrong with wanting the love of another... but never at the cost of your soul.
Because of this... it makes me question how I love.
Nothing is more painful then to see the pain in a scorned lovers eyes...
you see them die to themselves in their stare.
But what makes it worse is when you watch this happen to someone who taught you how to love... and showed you what a man was.
Maybe this is a wake up call for me as well as him...
to show you... YOU CAN'T MAKE NOBODY LOVE YOU!
You can give them the world and your everything... but at the end of the day they still won't love you.
So love yourself... give yourself the world... and give God your everything...
then you will realize that what you need is not in your lover's hold.


© the thoughts and feelings of graham, 2009

~Thanks for reading... and if you haven't clicked that follow button on the right side above my loyal community, please do and join the land of Complex Serenity.
Love & Peace... Avi'Qon